Guilt, shame and doubt - Fears galore!
Hello all,
Hope all of you had a great week where you were able to obliterate the fears you had to take the next step towards your path. Last week we discussed the general topic of fear, and how it affects us very much from a subconscious and emotional level to take bold steps towards our life. Today let us go a bit deeper and see how fear can knock on our doors in many disguises. But with everything, the underlying major theme is the fear. It can come as guilt, shame, or as doubts and hold us prisoners in its iron grip.
Hope all of you had been following the United States news nowadays. The aspect of fear is playing out through our televisions. The example I am going to introduce is the story of the Supreme court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh and the allegation, he sexually assaulted a Professor, Christine Blasey Ford, when she was 15 years of age and he was 17 years of age, around thirty-four years ago.
Here we are not going to discuss, how it happened, where it happened, or why it happened. But this post is going to be about the terror Ms.Ford would have felt as a fifteen-year-old. All the emotions she may have to go through and now again she is being pushed into the news harshly with little concern for how she has to deal again with the trauma. Later we would also compare a mythological lady, Draupadi, who was dragged by her hair to the court where the elders were sitting to judge her. Isn't it the same scenario playing out in the news where she is being judged by a panel of Senators, many of whom were not first ready to give her a chance to testify and later obliged after an outcry from people. Only this time Dr.Ford was not dragged by her hair, but in a metaphorical sense, she was thrust into the chaos. Has in that sense isn't it the same scenario?
This is the main issue, women or men (victims) keep quiet for a very long time after the incident for fear of being judged, targeted, or not listened to. I have read an article that in the previous times, women and girls were supposed to be seen, but not heard. Even today those social tentacles hold women in a tight grip where they are treated as objects to be taken care of and not given value to their perspective, viewpoints, or have the patience to listen to what they want to say. As I have previously mentioned, this Earth very much belongs to every woman as much as to men. So they also have an equal right to be here and thrive on this beautiful planet. (Of course as all of you may know by now, I am also a bird of the same flock, and I get outraged when women are treated as second-grade citizens, or their voices are suppressed.)
So, here let us look through the eyes of a fifteen-year-old, whose life pretty much changed after that fateful day. How at such a young age she would have dealt with something she never expected to happen. Indeed a very terrible experience to go through when you have just started to experience life as an adolescent. For blog readers, who want to know more about this story here is the Washington Post article about Dr.Christine Blasey Ford.
The incident: Dr. Ford as a teenager had attended an unsupervised party, where teenage boys also were part of the group. Chrissy (Dr.Ford's pet name during teenage years), wanted to go to the bathroom, I think probably upstairs and she was pushed into a bedroom by two drunken teenage boys, was assaulted and by a mere chance of luck, she was able to escape. She also mentions she had herself one or two drinks herself.
But the question comes up because the woman or girl had a few drinks, does it mean she is ready for anything? Even at that time shouldn't her intentions be valued? Anyway, due to her pure luck, she was able to push the boys away and rush out of the room. She even had to pretend she was okay with her other friends to go out of the house. Later it seems, a great student, she struggled with her classes and almost derailed her life as well as career, before becoming determined to make something of herself, than that incident determining who she was.
The terror: Let us go back to that fifteen-year-old girl rushing out of that bedroom, crying, terrified and violated. What should have she felt? She just came to the party to have a fun time with her friends, chilling out, having a good time and be happy. Now here she is rushing out of the bedroom as well as the house, clutching whatever self-respect or self-esteem she has remaining.
A sexual or violent assault is never about the physical aspects alone. It is very much about psychological, emotional, subconscious, and self-esteem aspects. She went upstairs as any other normal teenager and came down the stairs as a totally changed person. She would have been captured by so many emotions. Let us analyze or dissect it one by one.
Guilt: Here, the second she came out of the house, she would have started to feel guilty about going to the party in the first place. She would have started feeling, "I shouldn't have gone to the party. I put myself there at their disposal. I could have said No, in the first place." Or "Why did I have those drinks? Then I wouldn't have had to go to the bathroom. Then I wouldn't have been pushed and violated as I was." There would have been so many questions, answers, concepts, and ideas, how she could have avoided the scenario, playing over and over again in her mind.
Victims of any types of crimes many times blame themselves first and foremost. A very critical person would be sitting inside them and judging them until they become a shell of their former self, with only shreds of self-esteem to give them courage and company. When you are thoroughly criticizing yourself, how can ever that same mind encourage or help you to get value? When the toughest critic is already sitting inside you, how can you ever tackle the outside world, who also judge you very much? This is why victims in this day and age are still hesitant to come out and voice their concerns publicly.
Shame: This is another aspect of our society that many times is bent upon shaming the victim. But remember, the assault happened to the victim, not to the aggressor. So actually according to fairness, it should be the aggressor who should feel ashamed of his or her actions. But unfortunately, many times that is not the case. The victims are made to feel ashamed that they had to go through it. They are treated as if it is their fault and somehow they should have avoided the scenario. But think, can a person really stop living thinking that an apocalypse is going to fall on their heads? Nobody can run away, be at home and be a recluse for the rest of their life.
This is also the same emotion that leads to the honor killings in many countries. Only last week I watched the Pakistani documentary, 'A girl in the river -The price of Forgiveness', where a Pakistani girl was slashed by her father and uncle and left to die in the river, due to the fact that she loved a boy who was not as wealthy as her family. Luckily she survived to tell her story. Here in the name of the honor in the society, a young girl or her life was not considered important. From the eyes of Spirituality isn't the life of a person more important, that too of your own girl-child, than the norms of honor society has kept? Society itself was made for the humans, not the other way around. High time, humans start opening their eyes to what matters really!!!
So, here Chrissy due to the terrible guilt she was feeling would have been ashamed to open up to her parents or to the authorities. Another fact is, the questioning later the victim has to undergo makes them live the terror again and again in their mind, not allowing them to move to the next stage in their life. Also, guilt and shame are very strong dark emotions that bring a person to their very dark shadow side. In these emotions, the shadow side is very strong and it can keep a person tied down to these emotions their whole life or lifetimes. Now, these two emotions lead to the next one.
Doubt: The guilt and shame they are feeling already make them terrified about opening up. And as we know, society judges the victim, unfortunately, more than the perpetrator. (Shame on you, Society!!).
So here Chrissy would have felt doubts to even share what happened with her own parents. Also if parents move through high society they also would have been reluctant to inform the authorities. The young girl would have felt very much alone in this big, and nasty world, who is out to get her. Even as an adult, women feel the same subconscious fear, when walking alone at night, or going to a place alone, or doing a train or bus journey alone. (Many times I wonder, when the world would be safe to a woman as much as to a man. I also know, not any time soon. Sometimes, it is not safe even to a man. Really sad!)
All the fears of guilt, shame, and doubts would have kept her tied to a dark place for a very long time and she would have come out of it with many mental and emotional struggles. Now suddenly she is finding herself dragged into the middle of the news to go back again to that day and open up to what really happened, and whether she is sure about her memory, whether she trusts her memory and wasn't she too drunk to really remember what happened?
Now she has to face a panel of Senators, who are not going to ask questions on her memory, terror, and character. I applaud the courage and bravery Dr.Ford is showing to testify under a massive storm of criticisms, death threats, and negative press. Here, Dr. Ford and her family had been threatened by emails, phone calls, and the social media. These are the ladies who are the beacons of light for the women as a whole. Yes, she is like Draupadi, who challenged the elders in the court of Mahabharatha about justice, rule, law (societal as well as spiritual), and ultimately Dharma (duty to uphold fairness, justice, and integrity).
Draupadi: As Dr.Christine Blasey Ford is going to testify on Thursday (September 26, 2018), eons back another lady stood up to the authority to ask for fairness and justice, Draupadi! She was the young queen who was dragged into the middle of the court by her hair and was violated and insulted by disrobing her in front of the whole court. Isn't the same thing unfolding here again with a lady being questioned about her value, integrity, morals, and her memory? Should ladies have to prove again and again through centuries that indeed they are brave, courageous, very fair, and have integrity?
It was very much the unjust behavior towards queen Draupadi that unleashed the Mahabharatha war and decimated the Kuru kingdom. Except for the people who were on the side of the Dharma (true value and duty towards integrity, fairness, and justice), all others were destroyed.
So let the Senators and people in the position of authority, who were elected to uphold the law of fairness, justice, and integrity, really think about their true higher duty. Yes, they may very well be able to make the law flexible and work for them, from a human and societal perspective. But above the human and societal law, there is a higher law of fairness and justice that works out in the realm of the divine or the Universe. And mind you, that law is unflinching and unbending!! Wishing that they would never find themselves on the wrong side of that law. So let them really have the courage to do the right thing for the law, justice, and society!!
As for Dr.Christine Blasey Ford, may she find the courage to stand up to the injustice that was done to her, and be the pathfinder for many more girls and ladies who later may find themselves in her same shoes!! All the very best to her and her family!!
I wish you a good weekend and I'll see you next Friday! 😉
Next week: Jealousy - The green-eyed monster!
Note: Images from Wikimedia Commons and Pixabay.com.
Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, "There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance ; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried".
All rights reserved to the author (SwaroopaStargazer) and SwaroopaBlog.
To my Blog readers: As all of you know, the European Union has passed laws regarding the collection of the user data. This is just to inform all my EU blog readers, I just use Google Analytics, which Google provides, to look at from where readers are reading my blogs. I also use Specific feeds to use their service for subscription list. I don't collect or intend to collect user data to sell or provide to third-party applications. Regards,
SwaroopaBlog.
Hope all of you had a great week where you were able to obliterate the fears you had to take the next step towards your path. Last week we discussed the general topic of fear, and how it affects us very much from a subconscious and emotional level to take bold steps towards our life. Today let us go a bit deeper and see how fear can knock on our doors in many disguises. But with everything, the underlying major theme is the fear. It can come as guilt, shame, or as doubts and hold us prisoners in its iron grip.
Hope all of you had been following the United States news nowadays. The aspect of fear is playing out through our televisions. The example I am going to introduce is the story of the Supreme court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh and the allegation, he sexually assaulted a Professor, Christine Blasey Ford, when she was 15 years of age and he was 17 years of age, around thirty-four years ago.
Here we are not going to discuss, how it happened, where it happened, or why it happened. But this post is going to be about the terror Ms.Ford would have felt as a fifteen-year-old. All the emotions she may have to go through and now again she is being pushed into the news harshly with little concern for how she has to deal again with the trauma. Later we would also compare a mythological lady, Draupadi, who was dragged by her hair to the court where the elders were sitting to judge her. Isn't it the same scenario playing out in the news where she is being judged by a panel of Senators, many of whom were not first ready to give her a chance to testify and later obliged after an outcry from people. Only this time Dr.Ford was not dragged by her hair, but in a metaphorical sense, she was thrust into the chaos. Has in that sense isn't it the same scenario?
 |
| Draupadi who was disrobed in the court of the Kuru dynasty! Raja Ravi Varma [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons |
This is the main issue, women or men (victims) keep quiet for a very long time after the incident for fear of being judged, targeted, or not listened to. I have read an article that in the previous times, women and girls were supposed to be seen, but not heard. Even today those social tentacles hold women in a tight grip where they are treated as objects to be taken care of and not given value to their perspective, viewpoints, or have the patience to listen to what they want to say. As I have previously mentioned, this Earth very much belongs to every woman as much as to men. So they also have an equal right to be here and thrive on this beautiful planet. (Of course as all of you may know by now, I am also a bird of the same flock, and I get outraged when women are treated as second-grade citizens, or their voices are suppressed.)
So, here let us look through the eyes of a fifteen-year-old, whose life pretty much changed after that fateful day. How at such a young age she would have dealt with something she never expected to happen. Indeed a very terrible experience to go through when you have just started to experience life as an adolescent. For blog readers, who want to know more about this story here is the Washington Post article about Dr.Christine Blasey Ford.
The incident: Dr. Ford as a teenager had attended an unsupervised party, where teenage boys also were part of the group. Chrissy (Dr.Ford's pet name during teenage years), wanted to go to the bathroom, I think probably upstairs and she was pushed into a bedroom by two drunken teenage boys, was assaulted and by a mere chance of luck, she was able to escape. She also mentions she had herself one or two drinks herself.
But the question comes up because the woman or girl had a few drinks, does it mean she is ready for anything? Even at that time shouldn't her intentions be valued? Anyway, due to her pure luck, she was able to push the boys away and rush out of the room. She even had to pretend she was okay with her other friends to go out of the house. Later it seems, a great student, she struggled with her classes and almost derailed her life as well as career, before becoming determined to make something of herself, than that incident determining who she was.
The terror: Let us go back to that fifteen-year-old girl rushing out of that bedroom, crying, terrified and violated. What should have she felt? She just came to the party to have a fun time with her friends, chilling out, having a good time and be happy. Now here she is rushing out of the bedroom as well as the house, clutching whatever self-respect or self-esteem she has remaining.
A sexual or violent assault is never about the physical aspects alone. It is very much about psychological, emotional, subconscious, and self-esteem aspects. She went upstairs as any other normal teenager and came down the stairs as a totally changed person. She would have been captured by so many emotions. Let us analyze or dissect it one by one.
Guilt: Here, the second she came out of the house, she would have started to feel guilty about going to the party in the first place. She would have started feeling, "I shouldn't have gone to the party. I put myself there at their disposal. I could have said No, in the first place." Or "Why did I have those drinks? Then I wouldn't have had to go to the bathroom. Then I wouldn't have been pushed and violated as I was." There would have been so many questions, answers, concepts, and ideas, how she could have avoided the scenario, playing over and over again in her mind.
Victims of any types of crimes many times blame themselves first and foremost. A very critical person would be sitting inside them and judging them until they become a shell of their former self, with only shreds of self-esteem to give them courage and company. When you are thoroughly criticizing yourself, how can ever that same mind encourage or help you to get value? When the toughest critic is already sitting inside you, how can you ever tackle the outside world, who also judge you very much? This is why victims in this day and age are still hesitant to come out and voice their concerns publicly.
Shame: This is another aspect of our society that many times is bent upon shaming the victim. But remember, the assault happened to the victim, not to the aggressor. So actually according to fairness, it should be the aggressor who should feel ashamed of his or her actions. But unfortunately, many times that is not the case. The victims are made to feel ashamed that they had to go through it. They are treated as if it is their fault and somehow they should have avoided the scenario. But think, can a person really stop living thinking that an apocalypse is going to fall on their heads? Nobody can run away, be at home and be a recluse for the rest of their life.
This is also the same emotion that leads to the honor killings in many countries. Only last week I watched the Pakistani documentary, 'A girl in the river -The price of Forgiveness', where a Pakistani girl was slashed by her father and uncle and left to die in the river, due to the fact that she loved a boy who was not as wealthy as her family. Luckily she survived to tell her story. Here in the name of the honor in the society, a young girl or her life was not considered important. From the eyes of Spirituality isn't the life of a person more important, that too of your own girl-child, than the norms of honor society has kept? Society itself was made for the humans, not the other way around. High time, humans start opening their eyes to what matters really!!!
 |
| Shame - Another form of fear! Image courtesy - Pixabay.com |
So, here Chrissy due to the terrible guilt she was feeling would have been ashamed to open up to her parents or to the authorities. Another fact is, the questioning later the victim has to undergo makes them live the terror again and again in their mind, not allowing them to move to the next stage in their life. Also, guilt and shame are very strong dark emotions that bring a person to their very dark shadow side. In these emotions, the shadow side is very strong and it can keep a person tied down to these emotions their whole life or lifetimes. Now, these two emotions lead to the next one.
Doubt: The guilt and shame they are feeling already make them terrified about opening up. And as we know, society judges the victim, unfortunately, more than the perpetrator. (Shame on you, Society!!).
So here Chrissy would have felt doubts to even share what happened with her own parents. Also if parents move through high society they also would have been reluctant to inform the authorities. The young girl would have felt very much alone in this big, and nasty world, who is out to get her. Even as an adult, women feel the same subconscious fear, when walking alone at night, or going to a place alone, or doing a train or bus journey alone. (Many times I wonder, when the world would be safe to a woman as much as to a man. I also know, not any time soon. Sometimes, it is not safe even to a man. Really sad!)
All the fears of guilt, shame, and doubts would have kept her tied to a dark place for a very long time and she would have come out of it with many mental and emotional struggles. Now suddenly she is finding herself dragged into the middle of the news to go back again to that day and open up to what really happened, and whether she is sure about her memory, whether she trusts her memory and wasn't she too drunk to really remember what happened?
Now she has to face a panel of Senators, who are not going to ask questions on her memory, terror, and character. I applaud the courage and bravery Dr.Ford is showing to testify under a massive storm of criticisms, death threats, and negative press. Here, Dr. Ford and her family had been threatened by emails, phone calls, and the social media. These are the ladies who are the beacons of light for the women as a whole. Yes, she is like Draupadi, who challenged the elders in the court of Mahabharatha about justice, rule, law (societal as well as spiritual), and ultimately Dharma (duty to uphold fairness, justice, and integrity).
Draupadi: As Dr.Christine Blasey Ford is going to testify on Thursday (September 26, 2018), eons back another lady stood up to the authority to ask for fairness and justice, Draupadi! She was the young queen who was dragged into the middle of the court by her hair and was violated and insulted by disrobing her in front of the whole court. Isn't the same thing unfolding here again with a lady being questioned about her value, integrity, morals, and her memory? Should ladies have to prove again and again through centuries that indeed they are brave, courageous, very fair, and have integrity?
It was very much the unjust behavior towards queen Draupadi that unleashed the Mahabharatha war and decimated the Kuru kingdom. Except for the people who were on the side of the Dharma (true value and duty towards integrity, fairness, and justice), all others were destroyed.
 |
| Justice depicted as a lady with the book of law and balance! By Bernard d'Agesci, painter (Jeffdelonge pict) [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons |
So let the Senators and people in the position of authority, who were elected to uphold the law of fairness, justice, and integrity, really think about their true higher duty. Yes, they may very well be able to make the law flexible and work for them, from a human and societal perspective. But above the human and societal law, there is a higher law of fairness and justice that works out in the realm of the divine or the Universe. And mind you, that law is unflinching and unbending!! Wishing that they would never find themselves on the wrong side of that law. So let them really have the courage to do the right thing for the law, justice, and society!!
As for Dr.Christine Blasey Ford, may she find the courage to stand up to the injustice that was done to her, and be the pathfinder for many more girls and ladies who later may find themselves in her same shoes!! All the very best to her and her family!!
I wish you a good weekend and I'll see you next Friday! 😉
Next week: Jealousy - The green-eyed monster!
Note: Images from Wikimedia Commons and Pixabay.com.
Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, "There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance ; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried".
All rights reserved to the author (SwaroopaStargazer) and SwaroopaBlog.
To my Blog readers: As all of you know, the European Union has passed laws regarding the collection of the user data. This is just to inform all my EU blog readers, I just use Google Analytics, which Google provides, to look at from where readers are reading my blogs. I also use Specific feeds to use their service for subscription list. I don't collect or intend to collect user data to sell or provide to third-party applications. Regards,
SwaroopaBlog.
Disclaimer: This is a personal blog. The opinions and viewpoints shared here are that of the author/owner only. Even though the author/owner will try to research well before posting the information, the author/owner of this blog does not make any portrayal of the accuracy or correctness of the content on this blog or the links provided. The author/owner will not be liable for any omissions or inaccuracies occurred. The author/owner will not be liable for any damages or losses due to the use or display of this blog. These terms and conditions can change at any time. This blog is purely for informational purposes only.
©SwaroopaStargazer and Swaroopa, 2017- Eternity.
©SwaroopaStargazer and Swaroopa, 2017- Eternity.
![Raja Ravi Varma [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Raja_Ravi_Varma,_Pleasing.jpg){kind=link}
![By Bernard d'Agesci, painter (Jeffdelonge pict) [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bernard_d%27Agesci_La_Justice.jpg){kind=link}
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