Who am I? - Part 6
Hello all,
Namaste! Hope all of you had a great week where you were able to clear the slate of mind from things that we don't really need for our life. Next week, Christmas, the birth of Jesus is celebrated all over the world. I wish everyone a very 'Merry Christmas' and for those who are not celebrating Christmas, very 'Happy holidays'! May the wisdom Jesus imparted, lead all of us to our own true destiny. Now, last week we discussed, as human beings we carry much baggage as emotions from our previous life experiences, things that didn't work out or the regrets we carry, if only things had happened like that. Just, why can't it be like this or like that. But, it isn't and it is the truth, isn't it?
We have discussed many times before, underneath everything we are pure energy. We are energy beings. Whatever we focus on, also increases in our life. So, if we resist new energy by actively thinking about old experiences, patterns, and behavior, even that trying to fix something that happened before,which we feel like fixing, brings us exactly into that state of resistance. We end up attracting the same thing we are trying to fix, we get more of the same old energy patterns, experiences, and life circumstances. By trying to resist old things that didn't work in the first place and trying to fix it, we always get stuck in the old energy, resisting our heart out for the new energy to come. Then, we ourselves sit and think, why things are not working in our own life.
The one and the only way to move into the new energy is to look at our own life with nonchalance, look at the lessons the life experiences are bringing, accept them and become grateful for them, leave them totally behind, never trying to fix it and move on to the newer energy. Those regrets, disappointments, and frustrations didn't work the first time around, so why should it work the second time? We are actually tying up our precious mental space with previous attitudes and behaviors, without clearing it up for new energy. Think about it. Even in a computer, we have to clear up the 'cache' of old emails, website shortcuts, and pictures, to free up the space to load the RAM (Random-access memory) up faster. Here in a Philosophical sense, our mind is our RAM.
If we fill it with old patterns, our life experiences, disappointments, regrets, frustrations and more, our very own RAM-our mind becomes so slow, we can never bring in fresh, new, perspectives or experiences. Then, we complain our life is not working for us. Every experience we go through we look through the filter of our mind or our RAM. So, it is imperative that we fill our mind only with those things that exactly work for our life. Others, whether it is people, circumstances, or attitudes, we have to reject, even if our very own mind resists the same. That is called 'true discernment' in Philosophy.
Hinduism-Choose wisely: Let me give an example. Hinduism has gems of wisdom and also a lot of trash. For centuries there was no written word for Hinduism. It was passed down generation to generation orally. So, with each generation, many things wise as well as many things not so wise have been added. People who reject Hinduism bring in the case of 'Manusmithri' and myself being a woman bring in the clause, 'Na sthree swathanthryam arhati'. Meaning- A woman should not have freedom. Or more properly here, a woman should be taken care of by her father at young age, husband in the middle and the son in the old age.
Now, let us analyze it socially as well as philosophically. Yes, in Manusmruthi it is written like that. Remember when it was written? Around 5000 years ago. At that time the social ethos didn't allow a woman to live alone. Such a woman was not looked upon well by society. They were either socially outcast or women who didn't have proper respect. To use Hinduism that was written as exactly it was 5000 years ago, without even a slight change is pure stupidity. Now, come to modern times. For 2018-19, would you use Windows 1.0, which was released on Nov 20, 1985 or would you use Windows 10, the latest version? So, even for our every day thing as personal computers, we are using the latest version. So, shouldn't we, with religion, any religion for that matter, take only what works for our life and reject everything? Yes, even with our attitudes and perspectives, shouldn't we select only that which works socially as well as culturally for us? True discernment!
Now, the question is because such a phrase is written in Hinduism, should the whole thing be rejected? Should we throw the baby also out with the bathwater? Anyone who wants to live alone as a woman in this age is their choice. So, we should bring religion to work for our 21st-century attitudes by rejecting things that don't work for us and accept or embrace everything that works for us. So, if the religion, itself doesn't work, reject it and embrace atheism for- 'Oneself'. Yes, for oneself alone. Free will! According to Vedic Philosophy, I have only the free will to choose for myself. I have absolutely no free will to brainwash another person into religion, Communism, or atheism. That then becomes working against one's own Dharma. Hope humanity realizes that.
That was from a social perspective. Now, let us tackle the same thing philosophically or more esoterically. We have discussed the Purusha- Prakruthi concept. Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. Every single human, yes ladies included, has a masculine and feminine aspect. Divine masculine is the driver, enforcer, or the achiever. The divine feminine is the receptive part in everyone, which takes the energy from the divine masculine and convert it into creation, art, or nurturing. So, from that perspective, without taking charge of our own lives, if we passively accept everything that comes our way, then even with the Divine masculine within us, we have become, 'Sthree-Divine feminine'. This is true even for males as well as females who accept things that show up in life as pure fate. Here again, taking charge is absolutely and only for ourselves and our actions. Not for others.
Here, the Sthree or Divine feminine can only accept or receive. So, such a 'Sthree- a person who has subdued their own Divine masculine' has no free will or in other words, ' Na swathantryam arhati'. Such a person would have no freedom or 'free will'. Free will to sculpt our own life is the 'true freedom'. Basically, if we passively live our life thinking 'everything is our fate'- we have just embraced our Divine feminine part, discarding the Divine masculine part. So, we have become the 'Sthree' and such a person has no right to freedom (na swathanthryam arhati) or free will. Instead of understanding what something really says, we interpret things according to what we want and reject everything. Not knowing the esoteric meaning, we humans take everything literally and for just that one phrase, we reject the whole Hinduism. Baby out with the bath water! Utterly pathetic!
Also remember, without the Divine feminine or Shakthi part, the Divine Masculine, Shiva becomes 'Shava', or a corpse, with no energy to manifest, take a form or bring in creativity. So, for a balanced individual, the masculine and feminine part need to coexist, equal and balanced. So, in the esoteric sense, even the phrase, 'Na sthree swathanthryam arhati' makes utter sense and wisdom. Only one should have the wisdom to realize the meaning behind it.
So, here I explained this much to bring into focus my own struggles with leaving Biotechnology behind. It was not working. My mind-My RAM was bogged down with regrets, disappointments, and frustrations. The RAM was so filled with previous behaviors, attitudes, and perspectives, my mind had become totally slow. It was not making sense of anything. Either I had to 'clear the cache' or become just the 'Divine Feminine' accepting everything as my fate with no career and live my life as 'Sthree'- without free will. So, these struggles were during late 2016 and early 2017. I was not ready to leave the old energy behind and resisting my heart out from the new energy trying to come in. I want a career, but I am not ready to leave the field I worked on for around twenty years behind. Resisting and yearning at the same time. This went on for another few months.
An epiphany: As I said before, I used to go for solitary nature walks during that time. I was trying to make sense and come out of this conundrum called 'my career'. So, one day as always I put on all my paraphernalia, remember the USA, February middle-mid-winter. One needs a cap, gloves, socks, boots, some shawl to cover the face, layers of clothes, and a heavy jacket. I started my walk. But this day even though it was very cold, the Sun was out. In the winter, walking in the Sun is very nice. The rays of the Sun, would not be hot, but a nice warmth in the cold, like an early morning Sun in the tropics. So, I was walking scoffing myself for the pathetic stage in my life.
I was not really watching the trees, few fallen leaves, the blue sky with a few clouds, the nice Sun-shine or for that matter anything. I was totally embedded in the 'Maya- the grand illusion' my mind had created for myself. The Earth was showing such beauty, only I had no 'eyes' to see it or enjoy it. So, I walked to the end of the path I usually walk and started walking back towards my home. Now also I remember the place on my path where suddenly a thought came up.
There is an apple tree in the path, which is actually in someone's backyard. But one of its high branches comes towards the sidewalk. I do see Apples during the Autumn season. But the apples are so high up, I cannot reach them and I see many times birds eating them. So, today as I reached below this branch of the Apple tree a thought or more like a question came up, "Have you any time given a thought to the spiritual gifts you have been given?" Utterly simple and to the point. Slightly chiding as well. That is it. Nothing after that. Just silence!
I was like, how did such a thought come up, just like that? I hadn't done anything before that out of the ordinary. Of course, I used to pray my heart out to be shown a path. So, this simple question came up. I had started doing Astrology as a hobby in the early 1990s. My Dad has a few books in Astrology and whenever I used to find some free time, I used to read it and analyze. Just pure time pass and a hobby. But I used to enjoy it and could spend hours on it. It had everything I used to enjoy. Reading, analysis, critical thinking, coming to conclusions, unraveling the puzzle, looking at the chart from every aspect. So, it was something that used to give me pure joy to do.
Of course, along with that I also used to read Hindu mythological stories from my 7 or 8 years onwards. Without even realizing I was pursuing the talents I had been given, just as a hobby. With Mythology and Vedic Astrology, when you start thinking Vedic Philosophy comes solidly into the picture. Many times without the accompanying Philosophy, Astrology doesn't make any sense. Of course with Philosophy, the conjoined twin comes, when one is standing on the platform of Hinduism - Spirituality. So, here I was trying to make sense of my pathetic Biotech saga and the inner voice or Divine was showing me an entirely new way to come out of this conundrum.
Questions: As human beings, we have an easier time trusting others than ourselves. As we previously discussed, we are conditioned by society, family, peers, community and more to keep our focus towards outside than to within. So, many times our intuition or inner voice is blocked, subdued, or ignored. Finally, when we start asking questions to ourselves, the intuition starts speaking. Now, the difficulty becomes, whether to trust it or not. Every sacred book has written far and wide about inner faith and trust. We read it and we know it. But when the time comes to really trust our inner guidance and have faith, we start doubting it. We start to question it and we start to challenge it. I also was finding myself in the same boat.
So, here I have been given an answer or shown a path. Now, many questions started arising-Should I trust it? Should I think it is the correct guidance? Is it coming from my mind (thoughts) or from my heart (Soul)? Should I ignore it or heed to it? The funny part is I have heard about people having epiphanies. So, in my mind, I had imagined an epiphany to be an 'Aha' moment where there would be a shining brilliant light with a huge voice booming behind, giving me a clear instruction- 'Okay, this is what you should do. Now do it!' Or even bright colors emphasizing a brilliant and fantastic idea.
Nothing like that was there. Just a small question. That is it. No fireworks, brilliant colors or lights. I was standing on the same path, under the same Appletree, in the middle of a cold February winter morning. But it was not a blistery, snowy morning, but a cold, but very bright Sunny day. The Jimmy Cliff song comes to mind, "I can see clearly now that the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day!" The thought was so pointed, I decided, I should explore it more and not discard it as a random thought.
I have written before the struggle I had to go through to really believe it. Nagging self-doubt. It is an inner demon I have had a lot of fights with. I always used to put my teachers, Professors and their advice before my own advice. And until now it used to work for my education and career. All of them have given fantastic advice. But the basic tenet was, I like Science and that is what I want to do for my career. But when the basic tenet itself was wrong and I was in deep Self-illusion or deception, how in the world can they give advice or know it? I myself didn't know it in the first place, so how would others have a clue?
Blinds removed: Anyway I finished my walk and went home. I decided I need to explore more of this question before I send in another 100 resumes. So, later at night when I got some quiet time to contemplate, I took that question I was asked and started to analyze it. Why did such a question bubble up in my mind? Is there any value to it? Does it even make any sense? I thought about it for a few hours, then slept. Next day again I went for my walk, this time not asking for guidance, but analyzing the question. Why? Does the question even have any relevance? Or am I again going behind a pipe-dream?
This was the very first time in my own life I had started looking at my spiritual gifts from a point of awareness. Remember the 'autopilot' mode we have discussed many times? I was in that mode for more than 30 years of my life, pursuing something I 'thought' would help me totally. I was always reading mythology, reading about Astrology, thinking about spiritual concepts, helping people to figure out some tough situations in their life. I was always using my 'spiritual gifts', but never with any awareness. It was just the 'hobby or time pass' I was doing.
My Soul (for those who don't believe in a Soul, my true heart or inner person) was waiting patiently for some thirty years until I figure out my life. But the Soul got fed up at some point and decided I have to take this 'mind' to its task. It can also be another thing, that thirty years of experience of having no career, going behind Maya- the grand illusion, or learning all the life lessons were needed to truly bring the person to the point of totally knowing oneself. This didn't make sense first. I had to think, contemplate and self- analyze for another few more weeks.
Then it all started to fall into place. I was going behind 'the grand illusion or Maya' of Biotechnology, while the pure Soul was always there waiting with the spiritual gifts and knowledge it had acquired through iterations of lifetimes. Another thing, many of my ancestors on my mother's and father's side were teachers, educators, and temple priests. So, all of them most probably have learned Mantras, read philosophy and known all these concepts. Those wisdom most probably were sitting in my own DNA as ancestral knowledge and wisdom. The true gift of wisdom from the ancestors. Along with that my own reading, research, analysis, and critical thinking would have added more or polished it.
Today, because I have studied Biotechnology, DNA and how it can impart knowledge to a person due to expression or non-expression of genes makes total sense to me. So, the study of Biotechnology was never a waste as I used to think. But, it was supposed to be used in conjunction with my Spirituality and Philosophy. By only pursuing Biotechnology, I was only seeing 1/4th of the person I was, while 3/4 of the talents stayed within me, totally untouched. So, I was not supposed to pursue the 'I- whom I thought I am', but I was supposed to become just the 'being', with all and every talent I have. The whole person!
Once, I knew what my Soul is asking me to look at, the self-doubt started to poke its ugly head. Until now I had listened to my mind. Now, my heart wanted to come into the picture. I was not sure anymore. I was bogged down with doubts. So, to make sure I was positive about the guidance I was receiving, I asked for a sign from the Universe and kept a condition, I need to see that sign within the next ten days. As if to give me an 'on my face, bold answer' the Universe brought me a double rainbow, so beautiful that I have never seen one like that previously. I have written about this in my post, 'Ask! The Universe will bring rainbows!'
Even after getting the rainbow, it took me another few months to really start writing and publishing my blog posts. It is not enough to know the path, we also need to have the courage to pursue the path. Every now and then, I am asked again and again, "Do you trust yourself? Do you have the inner faith? Do you have the courage to take the next step? Do you have the courage to walk the path while seeing only the next two steps?"
I am walking slowly, sometimes terrified what the next step brings, whether I have the courage to take the next step. First I started the Blogger blog (2017). Next, I started the Swaroopa Facebook page. After that, I changed my LinkedIn profile to reflect my new blogger status. Every week, I started writing the FB profile and FB page write up along with my blog. Last year (2018), I opened my Quora account and started answering questions on Quora. At this point, I have answered around 5000 questions. Now, who knows what 2019 brings? Keeping my options open for the Divine to guide me. As of now, I am totally in the mode of walking my 'very own, unique path'. Who knows where it is going to take me? My motto nowadays is, "Let the Divine lead. I will walk!"
Today as I am writing this, I know, at the present moment, 'Who I am'. But, then that can be added upon as time proceeds. But at the very core, I know as a Soul, who truly 'I am'. So, here the heart is the core, one's true center. Every action, manifestation and outside reality comes out of that. That core or heart never changes, but the knowledge, wisdom, and lessons the Soul knows keeps on improving and developing. This was the journey I took for the last five years from 2013 to 2018. This is who truly 'I am'!
Next week, I would try to tie up everything together as one single post, so that 'You - the reader' can find your own true core and start living a life of purpose, authenticity, uniqueness and find your own true sacred purpose for your own life. One thing I can guarantee - such a way of leading our life brings in a fresh perspective to living, every single day!
I wish you a good weekend and I'll see you next Friday!😉
Next week: Who am I? - Part 7
Note: Images from Wikimedia Commons and Pixabay.com
Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, "There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance ; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried".
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Namaste! Hope all of you had a great week where you were able to clear the slate of mind from things that we don't really need for our life. Next week, Christmas, the birth of Jesus is celebrated all over the world. I wish everyone a very 'Merry Christmas' and for those who are not celebrating Christmas, very 'Happy holidays'! May the wisdom Jesus imparted, lead all of us to our own true destiny. Now, last week we discussed, as human beings we carry much baggage as emotions from our previous life experiences, things that didn't work out or the regrets we carry, if only things had happened like that. Just, why can't it be like this or like that. But, it isn't and it is the truth, isn't it?
We have discussed many times before, underneath everything we are pure energy. We are energy beings. Whatever we focus on, also increases in our life. So, if we resist new energy by actively thinking about old experiences, patterns, and behavior, even that trying to fix something that happened before,which we feel like fixing, brings us exactly into that state of resistance. We end up attracting the same thing we are trying to fix, we get more of the same old energy patterns, experiences, and life circumstances. By trying to resist old things that didn't work in the first place and trying to fix it, we always get stuck in the old energy, resisting our heart out for the new energy to come. Then, we ourselves sit and think, why things are not working in our own life.
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| We are energy beings! Image courtesy - Pixabay.com |
The one and the only way to move into the new energy is to look at our own life with nonchalance, look at the lessons the life experiences are bringing, accept them and become grateful for them, leave them totally behind, never trying to fix it and move on to the newer energy. Those regrets, disappointments, and frustrations didn't work the first time around, so why should it work the second time? We are actually tying up our precious mental space with previous attitudes and behaviors, without clearing it up for new energy. Think about it. Even in a computer, we have to clear up the 'cache' of old emails, website shortcuts, and pictures, to free up the space to load the RAM (Random-access memory) up faster. Here in a Philosophical sense, our mind is our RAM.
If we fill it with old patterns, our life experiences, disappointments, regrets, frustrations and more, our very own RAM-our mind becomes so slow, we can never bring in fresh, new, perspectives or experiences. Then, we complain our life is not working for us. Every experience we go through we look through the filter of our mind or our RAM. So, it is imperative that we fill our mind only with those things that exactly work for our life. Others, whether it is people, circumstances, or attitudes, we have to reject, even if our very own mind resists the same. That is called 'true discernment' in Philosophy.
Hinduism-Choose wisely: Let me give an example. Hinduism has gems of wisdom and also a lot of trash. For centuries there was no written word for Hinduism. It was passed down generation to generation orally. So, with each generation, many things wise as well as many things not so wise have been added. People who reject Hinduism bring in the case of 'Manusmithri' and myself being a woman bring in the clause, 'Na sthree swathanthryam arhati'. Meaning- A woman should not have freedom. Or more properly here, a woman should be taken care of by her father at young age, husband in the middle and the son in the old age.
Now, let us analyze it socially as well as philosophically. Yes, in Manusmruthi it is written like that. Remember when it was written? Around 5000 years ago. At that time the social ethos didn't allow a woman to live alone. Such a woman was not looked upon well by society. They were either socially outcast or women who didn't have proper respect. To use Hinduism that was written as exactly it was 5000 years ago, without even a slight change is pure stupidity. Now, come to modern times. For 2018-19, would you use Windows 1.0, which was released on Nov 20, 1985 or would you use Windows 10, the latest version? So, even for our every day thing as personal computers, we are using the latest version. So, shouldn't we, with religion, any religion for that matter, take only what works for our life and reject everything? Yes, even with our attitudes and perspectives, shouldn't we select only that which works socially as well as culturally for us? True discernment!
Now, the question is because such a phrase is written in Hinduism, should the whole thing be rejected? Should we throw the baby also out with the bathwater? Anyone who wants to live alone as a woman in this age is their choice. So, we should bring religion to work for our 21st-century attitudes by rejecting things that don't work for us and accept or embrace everything that works for us. So, if the religion, itself doesn't work, reject it and embrace atheism for- 'Oneself'. Yes, for oneself alone. Free will! According to Vedic Philosophy, I have only the free will to choose for myself. I have absolutely no free will to brainwash another person into religion, Communism, or atheism. That then becomes working against one's own Dharma. Hope humanity realizes that.
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| The Divine Masculine and the Divine feminine - the whole person! Copyrighted to Himalayan Academy Publications, Kapaa, Kauai, Hawaii CC-BY-SA-2.5|( through Wikipedia Commons) |
That was from a social perspective. Now, let us tackle the same thing philosophically or more esoterically. We have discussed the Purusha- Prakruthi concept. Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. Every single human, yes ladies included, has a masculine and feminine aspect. Divine masculine is the driver, enforcer, or the achiever. The divine feminine is the receptive part in everyone, which takes the energy from the divine masculine and convert it into creation, art, or nurturing. So, from that perspective, without taking charge of our own lives, if we passively accept everything that comes our way, then even with the Divine masculine within us, we have become, 'Sthree-Divine feminine'. This is true even for males as well as females who accept things that show up in life as pure fate. Here again, taking charge is absolutely and only for ourselves and our actions. Not for others.
Here, the Sthree or Divine feminine can only accept or receive. So, such a 'Sthree- a person who has subdued their own Divine masculine' has no free will or in other words, ' Na swathantryam arhati'. Such a person would have no freedom or 'free will'. Free will to sculpt our own life is the 'true freedom'. Basically, if we passively live our life thinking 'everything is our fate'- we have just embraced our Divine feminine part, discarding the Divine masculine part. So, we have become the 'Sthree' and such a person has no right to freedom (na swathanthryam arhati) or free will. Instead of understanding what something really says, we interpret things according to what we want and reject everything. Not knowing the esoteric meaning, we humans take everything literally and for just that one phrase, we reject the whole Hinduism. Baby out with the bath water! Utterly pathetic!
Also remember, without the Divine feminine or Shakthi part, the Divine Masculine, Shiva becomes 'Shava', or a corpse, with no energy to manifest, take a form or bring in creativity. So, for a balanced individual, the masculine and feminine part need to coexist, equal and balanced. So, in the esoteric sense, even the phrase, 'Na sthree swathanthryam arhati' makes utter sense and wisdom. Only one should have the wisdom to realize the meaning behind it.
So, here I explained this much to bring into focus my own struggles with leaving Biotechnology behind. It was not working. My mind-My RAM was bogged down with regrets, disappointments, and frustrations. The RAM was so filled with previous behaviors, attitudes, and perspectives, my mind had become totally slow. It was not making sense of anything. Either I had to 'clear the cache' or become just the 'Divine Feminine' accepting everything as my fate with no career and live my life as 'Sthree'- without free will. So, these struggles were during late 2016 and early 2017. I was not ready to leave the old energy behind and resisting my heart out from the new energy trying to come in. I want a career, but I am not ready to leave the field I worked on for around twenty years behind. Resisting and yearning at the same time. This went on for another few months.
An epiphany: As I said before, I used to go for solitary nature walks during that time. I was trying to make sense and come out of this conundrum called 'my career'. So, one day as always I put on all my paraphernalia, remember the USA, February middle-mid-winter. One needs a cap, gloves, socks, boots, some shawl to cover the face, layers of clothes, and a heavy jacket. I started my walk. But this day even though it was very cold, the Sun was out. In the winter, walking in the Sun is very nice. The rays of the Sun, would not be hot, but a nice warmth in the cold, like an early morning Sun in the tropics. So, I was walking scoffing myself for the pathetic stage in my life.
I was not really watching the trees, few fallen leaves, the blue sky with a few clouds, the nice Sun-shine or for that matter anything. I was totally embedded in the 'Maya- the grand illusion' my mind had created for myself. The Earth was showing such beauty, only I had no 'eyes' to see it or enjoy it. So, I walked to the end of the path I usually walk and started walking back towards my home. Now also I remember the place on my path where suddenly a thought came up.
There is an apple tree in the path, which is actually in someone's backyard. But one of its high branches comes towards the sidewalk. I do see Apples during the Autumn season. But the apples are so high up, I cannot reach them and I see many times birds eating them. So, today as I reached below this branch of the Apple tree a thought or more like a question came up, "Have you any time given a thought to the spiritual gifts you have been given?" Utterly simple and to the point. Slightly chiding as well. That is it. Nothing after that. Just silence!
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| A simple inner question? Image courtesy - Pixabay.com |
I was like, how did such a thought come up, just like that? I hadn't done anything before that out of the ordinary. Of course, I used to pray my heart out to be shown a path. So, this simple question came up. I had started doing Astrology as a hobby in the early 1990s. My Dad has a few books in Astrology and whenever I used to find some free time, I used to read it and analyze. Just pure time pass and a hobby. But I used to enjoy it and could spend hours on it. It had everything I used to enjoy. Reading, analysis, critical thinking, coming to conclusions, unraveling the puzzle, looking at the chart from every aspect. So, it was something that used to give me pure joy to do.
Of course, along with that I also used to read Hindu mythological stories from my 7 or 8 years onwards. Without even realizing I was pursuing the talents I had been given, just as a hobby. With Mythology and Vedic Astrology, when you start thinking Vedic Philosophy comes solidly into the picture. Many times without the accompanying Philosophy, Astrology doesn't make any sense. Of course with Philosophy, the conjoined twin comes, when one is standing on the platform of Hinduism - Spirituality. So, here I was trying to make sense of my pathetic Biotech saga and the inner voice or Divine was showing me an entirely new way to come out of this conundrum.
Questions: As human beings, we have an easier time trusting others than ourselves. As we previously discussed, we are conditioned by society, family, peers, community and more to keep our focus towards outside than to within. So, many times our intuition or inner voice is blocked, subdued, or ignored. Finally, when we start asking questions to ourselves, the intuition starts speaking. Now, the difficulty becomes, whether to trust it or not. Every sacred book has written far and wide about inner faith and trust. We read it and we know it. But when the time comes to really trust our inner guidance and have faith, we start doubting it. We start to question it and we start to challenge it. I also was finding myself in the same boat.
So, here I have been given an answer or shown a path. Now, many questions started arising-Should I trust it? Should I think it is the correct guidance? Is it coming from my mind (thoughts) or from my heart (Soul)? Should I ignore it or heed to it? The funny part is I have heard about people having epiphanies. So, in my mind, I had imagined an epiphany to be an 'Aha' moment where there would be a shining brilliant light with a huge voice booming behind, giving me a clear instruction- 'Okay, this is what you should do. Now do it!' Or even bright colors emphasizing a brilliant and fantastic idea.
Nothing like that was there. Just a small question. That is it. No fireworks, brilliant colors or lights. I was standing on the same path, under the same Appletree, in the middle of a cold February winter morning. But it was not a blistery, snowy morning, but a cold, but very bright Sunny day. The Jimmy Cliff song comes to mind, "I can see clearly now that the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day!" The thought was so pointed, I decided, I should explore it more and not discard it as a random thought.
I have written before the struggle I had to go through to really believe it. Nagging self-doubt. It is an inner demon I have had a lot of fights with. I always used to put my teachers, Professors and their advice before my own advice. And until now it used to work for my education and career. All of them have given fantastic advice. But the basic tenet was, I like Science and that is what I want to do for my career. But when the basic tenet itself was wrong and I was in deep Self-illusion or deception, how in the world can they give advice or know it? I myself didn't know it in the first place, so how would others have a clue?
Blinds removed: Anyway I finished my walk and went home. I decided I need to explore more of this question before I send in another 100 resumes. So, later at night when I got some quiet time to contemplate, I took that question I was asked and started to analyze it. Why did such a question bubble up in my mind? Is there any value to it? Does it even make any sense? I thought about it for a few hours, then slept. Next day again I went for my walk, this time not asking for guidance, but analyzing the question. Why? Does the question even have any relevance? Or am I again going behind a pipe-dream?
This was the very first time in my own life I had started looking at my spiritual gifts from a point of awareness. Remember the 'autopilot' mode we have discussed many times? I was in that mode for more than 30 years of my life, pursuing something I 'thought' would help me totally. I was always reading mythology, reading about Astrology, thinking about spiritual concepts, helping people to figure out some tough situations in their life. I was always using my 'spiritual gifts', but never with any awareness. It was just the 'hobby or time pass' I was doing.
My Soul (for those who don't believe in a Soul, my true heart or inner person) was waiting patiently for some thirty years until I figure out my life. But the Soul got fed up at some point and decided I have to take this 'mind' to its task. It can also be another thing, that thirty years of experience of having no career, going behind Maya- the grand illusion, or learning all the life lessons were needed to truly bring the person to the point of totally knowing oneself. This didn't make sense first. I had to think, contemplate and self- analyze for another few more weeks.
Then it all started to fall into place. I was going behind 'the grand illusion or Maya' of Biotechnology, while the pure Soul was always there waiting with the spiritual gifts and knowledge it had acquired through iterations of lifetimes. Another thing, many of my ancestors on my mother's and father's side were teachers, educators, and temple priests. So, all of them most probably have learned Mantras, read philosophy and known all these concepts. Those wisdom most probably were sitting in my own DNA as ancestral knowledge and wisdom. The true gift of wisdom from the ancestors. Along with that my own reading, research, analysis, and critical thinking would have added more or polished it.
Today, because I have studied Biotechnology, DNA and how it can impart knowledge to a person due to expression or non-expression of genes makes total sense to me. So, the study of Biotechnology was never a waste as I used to think. But, it was supposed to be used in conjunction with my Spirituality and Philosophy. By only pursuing Biotechnology, I was only seeing 1/4th of the person I was, while 3/4 of the talents stayed within me, totally untouched. So, I was not supposed to pursue the 'I- whom I thought I am', but I was supposed to become just the 'being', with all and every talent I have. The whole person!
Once, I knew what my Soul is asking me to look at, the self-doubt started to poke its ugly head. Until now I had listened to my mind. Now, my heart wanted to come into the picture. I was not sure anymore. I was bogged down with doubts. So, to make sure I was positive about the guidance I was receiving, I asked for a sign from the Universe and kept a condition, I need to see that sign within the next ten days. As if to give me an 'on my face, bold answer' the Universe brought me a double rainbow, so beautiful that I have never seen one like that previously. I have written about this in my post, 'Ask! The Universe will bring rainbows!'
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| The double rainbow I was shown in early 2017! |
Even after getting the rainbow, it took me another few months to really start writing and publishing my blog posts. It is not enough to know the path, we also need to have the courage to pursue the path. Every now and then, I am asked again and again, "Do you trust yourself? Do you have the inner faith? Do you have the courage to take the next step? Do you have the courage to walk the path while seeing only the next two steps?"
I am walking slowly, sometimes terrified what the next step brings, whether I have the courage to take the next step. First I started the Blogger blog (2017). Next, I started the Swaroopa Facebook page. After that, I changed my LinkedIn profile to reflect my new blogger status. Every week, I started writing the FB profile and FB page write up along with my blog. Last year (2018), I opened my Quora account and started answering questions on Quora. At this point, I have answered around 5000 questions. Now, who knows what 2019 brings? Keeping my options open for the Divine to guide me. As of now, I am totally in the mode of walking my 'very own, unique path'. Who knows where it is going to take me? My motto nowadays is, "Let the Divine lead. I will walk!"
Today as I am writing this, I know, at the present moment, 'Who I am'. But, then that can be added upon as time proceeds. But at the very core, I know as a Soul, who truly 'I am'. So, here the heart is the core, one's true center. Every action, manifestation and outside reality comes out of that. That core or heart never changes, but the knowledge, wisdom, and lessons the Soul knows keeps on improving and developing. This was the journey I took for the last five years from 2013 to 2018. This is who truly 'I am'!
Next week, I would try to tie up everything together as one single post, so that 'You - the reader' can find your own true core and start living a life of purpose, authenticity, uniqueness and find your own true sacred purpose for your own life. One thing I can guarantee - such a way of leading our life brings in a fresh perspective to living, every single day!
I wish you a good weekend and I'll see you next Friday!😉
Next week: Who am I? - Part 7
Note: Images from Wikimedia Commons and Pixabay.com
Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, "There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance ; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried".
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This blog is purely for informational purposes only.
©Jayasree Padmanabhan and Swaroopa, 2017- Eternity
This blog is purely for informational purposes only.
©Jayasree Padmanabhan and Swaroopa, 2017- Eternity
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